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Djidam
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Gender: Male
Interests: I have a lot of interests but I don't feel like writing them down right now. If you wanna know, ask, if you don't wanna know, good for you.
Expertise: I'm not an expert at anything besides being a loser who makes a decent friend but a lousy anything else. Yay!
Occupation: Other
Industry: Other
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
10/14/2003
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| Wandering through the dark, the moisture thick in the air
Longing to have the sun touch my face, it's been too long.
Heavy as time has given this darkness weight
My legs buckle and I struggle to not let myself fall.
Desperately I reach out, my arms flailing wildly and unseen
My hope slowly dying with each step I take.
The seconds drag on, my senses have become sharper
Allowing me to live an entire lifetime in a moment.
Too long I have been here, corrupted by the loneliness
Worthlessness has become my synonym.
No longer able to stand, I have given up my legs
Instead, I just lay here, waiting for my countless lives to end.
The tears have stopped flowing long ago as their point has lost meaning.
I no longer long for the sun nor anything as futility is always the answer.
Given up I wait for the end,
Though even that may have left me, with not even death to be my friend.
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| Standing on a cliff as the sun leave the world
I close my eyes and take in a breath
The cool of night comes over me
Darkness soothes my spirit
Taking in the world through one deep breath
Only giving up what brings ache to my heart.
Openings up my eyes as I exhale
Gazing far beyond the twilight
Trying to find what lay beyond for me
Unable to avoid the emptiness pulling me in
My steps left behind as I fall
Nothing able to move my heart
Fear having left me the moment I left home
Falling faster as I straighten
Concentrating only on my goal
Accepting of my fate, unable to take back what I have given away
No tears, resolute in my actions
As I arrive, no tears are spilled, relief is all I feel.
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| what to say about today?...so far it's blah. No sir, I don't like it. But I don't not like it either. In fact, I kinda couldn't care either way. But, it's here and well, I've found myself deciding to write something. Yesterday I sat down and drew a picture. It came out alright. simple still, with no shading yet, but it was all done with a sharpie and it came out alright for being something that I made with pen alone. After I am done with this whole thing, I might take a picture of it to show but till then, oh well.
Why do I do it? I guess because I feel the urgency of the situation. I cannot help but feel each time, that I may sometime, in the future, want to experience this and so, I'm off to add it to my collection. Well, at least it should be all right this weekend. Later this week as well should be fine, seeing that it should arrive.
I don't know...maybe I'm just tired of owing money. Tired of having to deal with life in general. I guess I just have to get back into wanting to do things which would help. Also, I guess I'd need to find a way to strengthen my attention span, which is now so short, I have a hard time making myself do anything.
Wow, only 3 hours left till I get to go home...I have to finish what I'm doing...and I will...in a bit...well...hopefully. :p I need to eat first though...and it will be good...instant ramen, here I come.
Mmm...miso soup and ramen, and manapua and pork hash, and half moon...well...more everything before the half moon...I just don't have the taste for it I guess. Sometimes, I wish I could be free to do what I wish. If I could only do what I wish I could do...then I'd be very power hungry, mad, selfish and conceited. I would probably rule the world and make everyone bow in the presence of my greatness. But eh, who knows if I'd be able to control myself and behave. Oh well, I'll probably never know...but if I did get what I want...damn...I would at least be contented with my life experiences.
Well, the day is over and I am off. Though, I keep thinking of things to buy...mostly stuff for me...and having made another order for a couple games...yeah...I'm sad...and selfish and all that...but oh well. Still, I think I might want to get a 10,000 yen playstation card...so I can pick up 16 ps1 games from the Japanese playstation network. God...give me strength to not do stupid things...or at least not do as many stupid things anymore...oh well, in the end it's all my call and depending on how much I end up spending on the gift for my parents and how much I spend on gifts for my brothers...we'll see how stupid I can be...he he he...yay.
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| I had been sitting on Click for a long time, never really getting around to watching it till tonight. I'm glad I watched it. It was one of the most interesting movies I'd seen in a while. Such a good message. Though, it's really sad to think about all that he had to deal with in just a few moments. But, at least he learned from it all.
Well, not too much else going on in my mind. Just, I gotta work harder and maybe, one day, things will get better. Though, I really find it hard to believe in my case.
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